Mortal's way

One day four boys approached Hodja and gave him a bagful of walnuts.

"Hodja, we can't divide these walnuts among us evenly. So would you help us, please?"

Hodja asked, "Do you want God's way of distribution or mortal's way?"

"God's way" the children answered.

Hodja opened the bag and gave two handfuls of walnuts to one child, one handful to the other, only two walnuts to the third child and none to the fourth.

"What kind of distribution is this?" the children asked baffled.

"Well, this is God's way," he answered. "He gives some people a lot, some people a little and nothing to others. If you had asked for mortal's way I would have given the same amount to everybody."

Criticism

Hodja and his son went on a journey once. Hodja preferred that his son ride the donkey and that he himself go on foot.
On the way they met some people who said: -Look at that healthy young boy! That is today's youth for you. They have no respect for elders. He rides on the donkey and makes his poor father walk!

When they had passed by these people the boy felt very ashamed and insisted that he walk and his father ride the donkey. So Hodja mounted the donkey and the boy walked at his side. A little later they met some other people who said:

-Well, look at that! That poor little boy has to walk while his father rides the donkey.

After they had passed by these people, Hodja told his son:

-The best thing to do is for both of us to walk. Then no one can complain.

So they continued on their journey, both of them walking. A little ways down the road they met some others who said:

-Just take a look at those fools. Both of them are walking under this hot sun and neither of them are riding the donkey!

Hodja turned to his son and said: - That just goes to show how hard it is to escape the opinions of men.

Thank God

On a moonlit night, the Hodja saw in his backyard a white figure. Thinking it might be a burglar, he asked his wife to hand him the bow and an arrow. He took aim and let the arrow fly, right on target.

The Hodja waited until daybreak to go into his backyard. He was shocked to see that what he thought was a burglar was his own cloak that his wife washed and hung on the clothesline.

He kneeled down and repeated, “Thank God! Thank God!”

His wife asked, “Why are you thanking God?” and the Hodja replied, “Sure I have to thank God. I managed to strike right in the middle of the cloak. Just imagine what would have happened if I were in it!”

The Mind reader

Once at a crossroad, Nasreddin Hodja saw a portly nobleman riding towards him.

"I say, Mulla," said the man. "Which is the way to the palace?"

"How did you know I was a Mulla?" asked Hodja.

The nobleman had a habit of addressing every scholarly-looking man as "Mulla," which was a title given to learned men and meant "master" but he didn’t want to tell Hodja that.

"How did I know?" he bragged. "Well, I’m a mind-reader, that’s how."

"Pleased to meet you," said Hodja. "As to your question, read my mind and proceed."

Tax Collector

One day, the tax collector of Aksehir and surrounding towns fell into the river. Since he didn't know how to swim, he was about to drown. The villagers gathered by the river bank trying to save him.

`Give me your hand, give me your hand.' they were all shouting. But the man was not extending his hand. At that time Nasreddin Hodja happened to be passing by.

`Hodja Effendi,' said the good Samaritans, `the tax collector fell into the water. He is going to drown. He is not giving his hand.'

`Let me try.' said the Hodja. `Effendi, effendi,' he yelled to the man bobbing in the water, `take my hand!' To this, the tax collector immediately extended his hand and grabbed Hodja's arm. The Hodja and the people around were now able to pull him off the water.

`You see,' the Hodja clarified, `he is a tax collector, he is more practiced in taking than giving.'

Hodja pleads poverty

Hodja was once brought before a judge by a man to whom he owed some money.

The creditor said to the judge: "This man owes me 500 dinars which are long overdue. I request your excellency to order him to pay me immediately, without further delay."

"I do owe him money," said the Hodja, "and I intend to pay him. I'll sell my cow and horse if necessary, but it'll take time."

"He is lying," said the other man. "He doesn't have a cow or horse or anything of value for that matter. I am told he doesn't even have food in his house!"

"When he knows I am so poor, O Judge," said the Hodja, "ask him how he expects me to pay him immediately."

The judge dismissed the case.

Intermingled

The children of the neighborhood were in the mood for a little mischief. They sat by the stream and put their feet in the water. When Nasaruddin Hodja was passing by, they cried for help.

`Hodja, Hodja! Please help us.' They were screaming all at once.

`Our feet are all mixed up, we don't know which is which. We cannot go home if we don't find our feet. Come help us figure out which foot belongs to whom!'

Nasaruddin Hodja was not going to be outwitted by children.

`Yes, I understand.' he said amiably, `That happens sometimes. But don't worry, I know a solution.'

Then he grabbed a fallen branch and got into the water himself. He started to lash the kids about the legs. Each child that felt the brusque touch of the twig, jumped out of the water with a shriek and ran away.

`A-ha!' The Hodja said, `You see, now you have all found your respective feet!'

Hodja in dust

Nasaruddin Hodja had a buffalo whose horns were set wide apart. Hodja often felt an urge to sit on the animal's head between the horns, but never dared try it.

One day the animal came and sat down very near him. Hodja threw caution to the winds and seizing the horns swung himself into the space between them.

"Now I feel like a king on his throne!" he said exultantly to his wife.

The buffalo, startled by the sudden invasion of its privacy, got indignantly to its feet and jerked its head violently forward.

Hodja went sailing into the air and fell head foremost into a ditch.

"It doesn't matter," he said to his wife who came running to help him. "It's not the first time a king has lost his throne."

Full House

One of Nasaruddin Hodja's neighbors asked the Hodja for some advice on how to manage his large family in his tiny little house.

`Hodja Effendi,' he lamented, `our quarters are so small, we can't all fit in. Me and my wife, my mother-in-law, 3 kids... We are cramped up in our puny cottage. You are a wise man, you would know of a solution, please tell me what to do!'

`How many chickens do you have in the barn?' Hodja asked.

`Why, Hodja Effendi, I have 5 chickens and a rooster.'

`Take them all into the house!'

`Mercy!' the poor peasant protested, `Hodja Effendi, the house is small without the chickens.'

`Try it!' Nasaruddin Hodja insisted, `You will be grateful to me.'

The neighbor was not convinced but he didn't dare question the wisdom of the Hodja. He took the chickens and the rooster inside the house. The next morning he ran to Hodja's house.

`Hodja Effendi, it is worse now. Me, my wife, my mother-in-law, 3 kids, 5 chickens and a rooster! We can't fit in at all!' he bemoaned. However, Nasaruddin Hodja was not moved.

`You have a donkey, don't you?'

`Yes, Hodja Effendi, I have one old donkey.' answered the man.

`Take the donkey in!' said the Hodja. No matter how much the neighbor objected, Nasaruddin Hodja maintained that it was for his best and the hopeless man did as he was told. The next morning, he ran back to Hodja's house, this time more despairingly than ever.

`Hodja Effendi! It is not possible. The wife, the mother-in-law, the kids, the chickens, the rooster and the donkey! We had a terrible night. There is no room to breathe.'

`If I remember correctly, you had two lambs, did you not?'

`Oh, no! Hodja Effendi, don't tell me to take the lambs in. There is no room!'

`Don't worry, my friend,' the Hodja assured the desperate man, `You will thank me in the end.' The neighbor, hoping the Hodja knows something that he doesn't, took the two lambs in that night. The next morning he was at Hodja doorstep, wretched.

`Hodja Effendi, what are you doing to us? The house is packed full. My mother-in-law is threatening to kill me, my wife is threatening to leave me. This is not working at all.'

Nasaruddin Hodja considered for a moment, then he said:

`Now, take all the live stock out of the house. Chickens, rooster, donkey and lambs; all back to the garden, back to the barn, back to the shed. Take them all out!'

Next morning, the neighbor was once again at Hodja's house.

`Ahh, Hodja Effendi, you are indeed a wise man. You solved my problem. Now, our house is so large, so roomy, so much space for everyone, kids can play, we can sleep, everyone is happy.' he said, `Thank you'