Searching for Hodja

One day, a man came to Akshehir and wanted to see the Hodja, who was famous as a great funny trickster. He saw a man leaning on a wall and asked him if he knew where the Hodja was.

This man said that he was busy at the moment leaning against the wall so that it would not fall down, but if the man would do his job he would go and look for the Hodja and call him.

The man said O.K. and leaned against the wall. He waited and waited but the other man did not return.

He told some people passing by, of the situation. When he described the man the people began to laugh and said to him: Didn't you believe that the Hodja was a joker? That was the Hodja to whom you spoke.

TIT for TAT

When the Hodja was repairing the roof a man called him from below.

What do you want said the Hodja.

Come down for just a minute, he said. I'll tell you something!

The Hodja got down and the man said: Can you lend me some money?

Come, said the Hodja, for just a minute up above.

The man came with him onto the roof and the Hodja said:

I have no money!

Let's think together

One day the Hodja saw a garden and entered. There he saw many kinds of fruits and began to put them in his bag.

At this moment the owner of the garden arrived and cried: What are you doing there?

You know the storm we had yesterday, said the Hodja. It blew me here.

And who broke off this fruit?

I wanted to hold on to the branches and they fell down.

And who put this fruit in the bag?

I was just thinking of that, said the Hodja. Come on, we'll think together!

Where the cofin goes

One day one of the men of Akshehir died. His wife was crying. Oh, my husband! Where have you gone? There is no light, there is no food, there is nothing!

When the Hodja heard this, he ran home and said to his wife.  "My wife! Open the door! The coffin is coming to our house!"

Yawning

One day, the Hodja went to another village. Nobody offered him something to eat, instead they asked him: "Hodja, why do people yawn?

There are two reasons: One of them is tiredness, the other is hunger.

After yawning for a while he finished up his words:  I'm not tired!

Immigrant

One day, a thief came to the house of the Hodja and took everything he had except the blanket which covered him.

When the Hodja saw the thief carrying all his things away, he put his blanket over his shoulders and followed him.

When the thief arrived at his own house, he turned back and saw the Hodja.

What are you doing here? he asked.

What am I doing here, said the Hodja, you ask a thing like that? Didn't we move to this house?

Hodja's writing

One day a man asked the Hodja to write a letter for him.

Where will the letter go? the Hodja asked.

To Baghdad, said the man.

I cannot go to there, the Hodja told him.

But you don't have to go. The letter will go there, said the man and the Hodja explained: Nobody can read what I write. Therefore I must go there to read it.

Hodja's wife and his Donkey

When his wife died, the Hodja became very sorry, but he mourned for her only a few days.

After a while his donkey died and he was even more sorrowful and mourned for him many months.

People asked him why and he answered:  When my wife died, they all said, they could find a younger and better one for me, but when my donkey died, nobody offered the same service.

Hodja and God

The Hodja was traveling from a long way away, he got very tired and decided to rest. Then he prayed: Dear God, he said. Please send me a donkey!

A few minutes later, he saw a man riding on a horse and leading a young donkey. The man came nearer, stopped beside him and shouted: You, leprous man! Instead of starving there, come on carry the donkey, it is tired.

Although the Hodja said, that he was also tired, the tyrannical man beat him with a stick and so the poor Hodja took the donkey on his shoulders.

Then the man on the horse proceeded on his way.

Every time the Hodja slowed down, the man beat him and after many miserable hours, they reached the town, where the man let the Hodja go, without thanking him.

Then the Hodja fall down on the earth and slept many hours. When he awakened he murmured
Oh, God! What happened? Was it that I couldn't explain, or that you couldn't understand?

How A Donkey Reads

During a conversation with Tamerlane, Hodja started bragging about his donkey.

"It is so smart that I can teach it even how to read, "he said.

"Then go ahead and teach it reading. I give you 3 months.," Tamerlane ordered.

Hodja went home and began to train his donkey. He put its feed between the pages of a big book and taught it to turn the pages by its tongue to find its feed. Three days before the three month period was over, he stopped feeding it.

When he took his donkey to Tamerlane, he asked for a big book and put it in front of the donkey. The hungry animal turned the pages of the book one by one with its tongue and when it couldn't find any feed between the pages it started braying.

Tamerlane watched the donkey closely and then said,

"This is sure a strange way of reading!"

Hodja remarked,

"But this is how a donkey reads."

Mortal's way

One day four boys approached Hodja and gave him a bagful of walnuts.

"Hodja, we can't divide these walnuts among us evenly. So would you help us, please?"

Hodja asked, "Do you want God's way of distribution or mortal's way?"

"God's way" the children answered.

Hodja opened the bag and gave two handfuls of walnuts to one child, one handful to the other, only two walnuts to the third child and none to the fourth.

"What kind of distribution is this?" the children asked baffled.

"Well, this is God's way," he answered. "He gives some people a lot, some people a little and nothing to others. If you had asked for mortal's way I would have given the same amount to everybody."

Criticism

Hodja and his son went on a journey once. Hodja preferred that his son ride the donkey and that he himself go on foot.
On the way they met some people who said: -Look at that healthy young boy! That is today's youth for you. They have no respect for elders. He rides on the donkey and makes his poor father walk!

When they had passed by these people the boy felt very ashamed and insisted that he walk and his father ride the donkey. So Hodja mounted the donkey and the boy walked at his side. A little later they met some other people who said:

-Well, look at that! That poor little boy has to walk while his father rides the donkey.

After they had passed by these people, Hodja told his son:

-The best thing to do is for both of us to walk. Then no one can complain.

So they continued on their journey, both of them walking. A little ways down the road they met some others who said:

-Just take a look at those fools. Both of them are walking under this hot sun and neither of them are riding the donkey!

Hodja turned to his son and said: - That just goes to show how hard it is to escape the opinions of men.

Thank God

On a moonlit night, the Hodja saw in his backyard a white figure. Thinking it might be a burglar, he asked his wife to hand him the bow and an arrow. He took aim and let the arrow fly, right on target.

The Hodja waited until daybreak to go into his backyard. He was shocked to see that what he thought was a burglar was his own cloak that his wife washed and hung on the clothesline.

He kneeled down and repeated, “Thank God! Thank God!”

His wife asked, “Why are you thanking God?” and the Hodja replied, “Sure I have to thank God. I managed to strike right in the middle of the cloak. Just imagine what would have happened if I were in it!”

Making a living

One of the Hodja’s two sons was a making a living from growing produce in his orchard, and the other was making his living from making clay jugs and pitchers.

Hodja asked the first son how he was doing and the son said, “This year I planted all sorts of things. If there’s enough rain, I will be fine. But if it doesn’t rain, Mom will shed tears for me.”

Hodja went to his other son and asked how he was doing and the second son said, “This year I mixed a lot of earth and water. If it doesn’t rain, everything will be just fine. But if it rains, Mom will shed tears for me.”

When the Hodja went home, his wife asked how the sons were doing and he answered, “I don’t know about the boys, but whether it rains or not, you’re going to shed a lot of tears.”

Whom to believe?

One day someone came to the Hodja’s house and asked to borrow his donkey. “The donkey’s not at home,” replied the Hodja.

Just then, the donkey on the roof started braying. “Oh,” said the man, “you say that your donkey’s not at home but what is that braying then?”

“What a strange man you are!” exclaimed the Hodja. “Are you going to believe the
donkey’s words or mine?”

Living cauldron

One day Nasreddin Hodja borrowed a cauldron from his neighbor.

A few days later, when he had finished with it, he sent it back with a pot inside it. “What’s this?” asked the neighbor, pointing to the pot. “Your cauldron gave birth,” replied the Hodja. Without
making any comment, the neighbor took the pot.

A few days later, Hodja needed the cauldron again and asked his neighbor to loan him his cauldron once more. The neighbor gladly gave it to Hodja.

Some time passed and the cauldron wasn’t returned. The neighbor went to Hodja and asked, “Hodja, what happened to my cauldron?”

“Your cauldron died,” said the Hodja.

When the neighbor protested, saying, “Sir, how can a cauldron die?” the Hodja replied, “You believed a cauldron could give birth so why don’t you believe it could die?”

Vinegar

Word got out that Nasreddin Hodja possessed a jar full of vinegar that was 40 years old. One day a neighbor came knocking on the door.

`Hodja Effendi, is it really true that you have a jar full of 40-year-old vinegar?'

`It is true.' the Hodja replied.

`Could I have a cup full of that vinegar?'

`No.' said Hodja tersely.

`But Hodja Effendi,' the displeased neighbor pursued, `why wouldn't you give me some? I only asked for a cup full.'

`Because,' Hodja explained, `if I were to give a cup full to everyone who asked, my vinegar wouldn't have lasted for 40 years.'

Tray of Baklava

One day The Hodja and his friends were sitting at the coffee house. A young boy carrying a tray of baklava attracted the attention of one of the men.

`Hodja Effendi, look!' he pointed, `That boy is carrying a tray of baklava.'

`It's none of my business.' Hodja shrugged his shoulders.

`But, Hodja, watch! He is taking it to your house.'

`In that case,' Hodja asserted, `it's none of your business.'

The Scholarly Coachman

Mulla Nasreddin once took up a job as a coachman and one day had to drive his employer to a disreputable part of the town.

"Keep your eyes open," his employer advised him as he alighted from the coach at his destination. "This place is infested with thieves."

Some time later the man thought of checking on his new employee.

"Is everything all right? What are you doing now?" he shouted from a window of the house he had gone into.

"I'm sitting here wondering what happens to a man's lap when he gets up," the Mulla shouted back.

A little later the employer again shouted from the window"

"What are you doing now?!"

"I'm wondering what happens to a fist when the fingers are unclenched," shouted Nasreddin.

His employer was impressed.

"My coachman is no ordinary fellow," he boasted to his hosts. "He is a philosopher!"

Half an hour later he again poked his head out of the window and shouted! "What are you doing now?"

"I am wondering who stole the horses," replied the Mulla.

The Mulla in the Muddle

The Sultan’s elephant had wandered into Mulla Nasruddin Hodja’s village and was causing havoc in the fields. The villagers finally decided to go in a delegation to the Sultan and request him to take the elephant away.

As Mulla Nasruddin was known to the ruler, they asked him to lead the delegation.

When they arrived at the palace, the villagers were awed by the splendour of the surroundings and their courage deserted them. One by one they began to drop out of the group and slip away, so that when Hodja was finally in the Sultan’s presence he found to his dismay that he was alone.

"Well, what do you want, Nasreddin!" snapped the Sultan, who was in a particularly bad mood that day.

"Y-your elephant is in our v-village, your Excellency," stuttered the Mulla.

"So?" growled the Sultan.

"So…so," said the Mulla, completely unnerved by the situation, "we, I mean I, have come to tell you that it is terribly lonely… please send it a companion."

The Mind reader

Once at a crossroad, Nasreddin Hodja saw a portly nobleman riding towards him.

"I say, Mulla," said the man. "Which is the way to the palace?"

"How did you know I was a Mulla?" asked Hodja.

The nobleman had a habit of addressing every scholarly-looking man as "Mulla," which was a title given to learned men and meant "master" but he didn’t want to tell Hodja that.

"How did I know?" he bragged. "Well, I’m a mind-reader, that’s how."

"Pleased to meet you," said Hodja. "As to your question, read my mind and proceed."

Tax Collector

One day, the tax collector of Aksehir and surrounding towns fell into the river. Since he didn't know how to swim, he was about to drown. The villagers gathered by the river bank trying to save him.

`Give me your hand, give me your hand.' they were all shouting. But the man was not extending his hand. At that time Nasreddin Hodja happened to be passing by.

`Hodja Effendi,' said the good Samaritans, `the tax collector fell into the water. He is going to drown. He is not giving his hand.'

`Let me try.' said the Hodja. `Effendi, effendi,' he yelled to the man bobbing in the water, `take my hand!' To this, the tax collector immediately extended his hand and grabbed Hodja's arm. The Hodja and the people around were now able to pull him off the water.

`You see,' the Hodja clarified, `he is a tax collector, he is more practiced in taking than giving.'

Sweet Quarrels

One day Hodja quarreled with his wife. He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbor's house.

Hodja followed her there. The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.

When they returned to their house some time later, they began quarrelling again. When Nasruddin began shouting at her, his wife again opened the door to run out.

"This time, go to the baker's house," he advised. "He makes delicious cakes."

Super Salesman

Nasreddin Hodja was trying to sell his house, but without success. One day he praised out a brick from the wall of his house.

"Why did you do that?" asked his wife, appalled.

"Oh, foolish woman, what do you know?" said Nasruddin. "To sell anything, you have to show a sample. I propose to show this brick as a sample of our house."

Speedy Ox

A horse race was about to be held and the contestants were being lined up.

Mulla Nasreddin Hodja came with an ox and asked that it be included in the race.

"Have you gone mad?" said the organizers. "What chance does an ox have against horses?"

"You talk that way because you do not know anything about my ox," said Hodja. "When it was a mere calf it could run almost as fast as a pony. Now that it is older it should be able to run even faster."

Sour reply

One Day a man said to Nasreddin Hodja: "I've heard you've got vinegar that is 40 years old."

"That is true," said Hodja.

"Will you give me some?" asked the man.

"If I gave vinegar to all those who asked, it wouldn't have become 40 years old," said Hodja.

Scientific meeting

A foreign scholar and his entourage were passing through Aksehir. The scholar asked to speak with the town's most knowledgeable person. Of course the townsfolk immediately called Nasreddin Hodja. The foreign savant didn't speak Turkish and our Hodja didn't speak any foreign languages, so the two wise men had to communicate with signs, while the others looked on with fascination.

The foreigner, using a stick, drew a large circle on the sand. Nasreddin Hodja took the stick and divided the circle into two. This time the foreigner drew a line perpendicular to the one Hodja drew and the circle was now split into four. He motioned to indicate first the three quarters of the circle, then the remaining quarter. To this, the Hodja made a swirling motion with the stick on the four quarters. Then the foreigner made a bowl shape with two hands side by side, palms up, and wiggled his fingers. Nasreddin Hodja responded by cupping his hands palms down and wiggling his fingers.

When the meeting was over, the members of the foreign scientist's entourage asked him what they have talked about.

`Nasreddin Hodja is really a learned man.' he said. `I told him that the earth was round and he told me that there was equator in the middle of it. I told him that the three quarters of the earth was water and one quarter of it was land. He said that there were undercurrents and winds. I told him that the waters warm up, vaporize and move towards the sky, to that he said that they cool off and come down as rain.'

The people of Aksehir were also curious about how the encounter went. They gathered around the Hodja.

`This stranger has good taste,' the Hodja started to explain. `He said that he wished there was a large tray of baklava. I said that he could only have half of it. He said that the syrup should be made with three parts sugar and one part honey. I agreed, and said that they all had to mix well. Next he suggested that we should cook it on blazing fire. And I added that we should pour crushed nuts on top of it.'

Naughty boy

One day the Hodja bought a donkey at the market place. He held his new donkey by its halter and started to walk towards home, pulling the donkey behind. Two rogue teenagers saw the Hodja and his donkey, and decided to play a trick on the Hodja. They were going to steal the donkey and see if they could get away with it.

One of the rascals quietly came up behind the Hodja, loosened the halter, took it out of the donkey's neck and put it around his own neck. The other boy took the donkey back to the market to sell. Hodja, unaware, continued to walk home, pulling the boy instead of the donkey.

When they reached home, Nasreddin Hodja turned around and saw the boy in place of the donkey.

`Who are you?' he questioned the boy.

`Ahh Effendi,' the scoundrel feigned, `you are not going to believe my story. I was a very naughty boy. I misbehaved all the time and made my mama miserable. When she couldn't bear it any more, she put a curse on me and I turned into a donkey. When you thought me good enough to buy, the curse is erased. Thanks to your charity, I became a boy again.'

`I will let you go, but never again torment your mama.' the Hodja said, `Be a good boy from now on!'

The next day Nasreddin Hodja was in the market again, looking for a new donkey to buy. He saw the donkey he had bought the day before, the one that had turned into a boy. The Hodja went up to it and whispered in its ear:

`You naughty boy! You disobeyed your mama again, didn't you?'

Hodja pleads poverty

Hodja was once brought before a judge by a man to whom he owed some money.

The creditor said to the judge: "This man owes me 500 dinars which are long overdue. I request your excellency to order him to pay me immediately, without further delay."

"I do owe him money," said the Hodja, "and I intend to pay him. I'll sell my cow and horse if necessary, but it'll take time."

"He is lying," said the other man. "He doesn't have a cow or horse or anything of value for that matter. I am told he doesn't even have food in his house!"

"When he knows I am so poor, O Judge," said the Hodja, "ask him how he expects me to pay him immediately."

The judge dismissed the case.

Invitiation

One of the wealthy men once had invited Nasaruddin Hodja over to his house.

On the said day, Hodja arrived at the rich man's house and knocked on the door. The man's son answered the door and told the Hodja that his father was not at home. However, the Hodja had already seen the host sitting by the window. He was very put out to be invited only to be turned down at the door with a lie.

`Tell your father,' he said to the boy, `next time he is going out, he should not forget his head by the window!'

Milk for Hodja

One evening, a man carrying a can of milk stopped Nasaruddin Hodja in the street and said he had a problem and wanted his advice.

"What's your problem?" asked Hodja.

"My problem is that though I never drink wine I feel intoxicated when I get up in the morning," explained the man.

"What do you drink last thing at night?" asked Hodja, eyeing the milkcan in his hand.

"Milk."

"Just as I thought," said Hodja. "That is the cause of your problem."

"Milk causes intoxication?" asked the man, astonished.

"It is like this," explained the Mulla. "You drink the milk and go to sleep. You toss around in your sleep. The milk gets churned. It turns into butter. Butter churned, turns into cheese. Cheese turns to fat. Fat into sugar. Sugar into alcohol. So you wake up with alcohol in your stomach. That is why you feel intoxicated in the morning."

"So what do I do?" asked the man, bewildered.

"Simple. Don't drink the milk," said Hodja. "Here, give it to me."

And taking the milkcan from the man, the Mulla walked away, leaving the man gaping .

Intermingled

The children of the neighborhood were in the mood for a little mischief. They sat by the stream and put their feet in the water. When Nasaruddin Hodja was passing by, they cried for help.

`Hodja, Hodja! Please help us.' They were screaming all at once.

`Our feet are all mixed up, we don't know which is which. We cannot go home if we don't find our feet. Come help us figure out which foot belongs to whom!'

Nasaruddin Hodja was not going to be outwitted by children.

`Yes, I understand.' he said amiably, `That happens sometimes. But don't worry, I know a solution.'

Then he grabbed a fallen branch and got into the water himself. He started to lash the kids about the legs. Each child that felt the brusque touch of the twig, jumped out of the water with a shriek and ran away.

`A-ha!' The Hodja said, `You see, now you have all found your respective feet!'

Rich dream

Hodja had a dream.

A man knocked at his door and asked if he could spend the night in his house. He said he would pay 10 gold coins for the privilege. Hodja agreed and showed him to his room.

The next morning, the man thanked Hodja and began taking out gold coins from his purse. He took out nine and stopped.

"You promised to give me ten!" shouted Hodja and awoke.

He looked around for the man but there was no one there.

He quickly shut his eyes again.

"All right all right," he said. "Give me nine!"

Hodja postpones paying

One evening, Nasaruddin Hodja's wife saw her husband walking up and down the verandah in great agitation.

"What's the matter?" she asked him.

"I borrowed a hundred dinars from our neighbor last month and I promised to return the money on the last day of this month," explained Hodja. "Tomorrow is the last day and I don't have the money. I don't know what to do."

"What is there to do!" said his wife. "Go and tell him you can't pay!"

Hodja took his wife's advice. When he returned from his neighbor's house he looked relaxed and happy.

"How did he take it?" asked his wife.

"Ah, well," said Hodja. "Now he is walking up and down his verandah.

Hodja in dust

Nasaruddin Hodja had a buffalo whose horns were set wide apart. Hodja often felt an urge to sit on the animal's head between the horns, but never dared try it.

One day the animal came and sat down very near him. Hodja threw caution to the winds and seizing the horns swung himself into the space between them.

"Now I feel like a king on his throne!" he said exultantly to his wife.

The buffalo, startled by the sudden invasion of its privacy, got indignantly to its feet and jerked its head violently forward.

Hodja went sailing into the air and fell head foremost into a ditch.

"It doesn't matter," he said to his wife who came running to help him. "It's not the first time a king has lost his throne."

Hard cash

Nasaruddin Hodja owed some money to a neighbor. The neighbor had asked for his money numerous times to no avail. One day he was at the Hodja's door again.

`Hodja Effendi, when are you going to pay my money back?'

`Look!' Nasaruddin Hodja pointed out to a spot in his garden, `I planted shrubs over there.'

`So?'

`They will grow this tall by spring.'

`And?'

`All the sheep that pass by will brush against the shrubs and their wool will get caught by the prickly bushes.'

`Yes?'

`Then we will collect the wool from the shrubs and my daughter will spin them into yarns. I will take those yarns to the bazaar and sell them. With the money I get, I will pay you back.'

At this remote and unlikely solution, the neighbor had nothing to do but laugh.

`You see,' the Hodja said when he saw the lender laughing, `your mood improved when you saw the cash on the nail.'

Full House

One of Nasaruddin Hodja's neighbors asked the Hodja for some advice on how to manage his large family in his tiny little house.

`Hodja Effendi,' he lamented, `our quarters are so small, we can't all fit in. Me and my wife, my mother-in-law, 3 kids... We are cramped up in our puny cottage. You are a wise man, you would know of a solution, please tell me what to do!'

`How many chickens do you have in the barn?' Hodja asked.

`Why, Hodja Effendi, I have 5 chickens and a rooster.'

`Take them all into the house!'

`Mercy!' the poor peasant protested, `Hodja Effendi, the house is small without the chickens.'

`Try it!' Nasaruddin Hodja insisted, `You will be grateful to me.'

The neighbor was not convinced but he didn't dare question the wisdom of the Hodja. He took the chickens and the rooster inside the house. The next morning he ran to Hodja's house.

`Hodja Effendi, it is worse now. Me, my wife, my mother-in-law, 3 kids, 5 chickens and a rooster! We can't fit in at all!' he bemoaned. However, Nasaruddin Hodja was not moved.

`You have a donkey, don't you?'

`Yes, Hodja Effendi, I have one old donkey.' answered the man.

`Take the donkey in!' said the Hodja. No matter how much the neighbor objected, Nasaruddin Hodja maintained that it was for his best and the hopeless man did as he was told. The next morning, he ran back to Hodja's house, this time more despairingly than ever.

`Hodja Effendi! It is not possible. The wife, the mother-in-law, the kids, the chickens, the rooster and the donkey! We had a terrible night. There is no room to breathe.'

`If I remember correctly, you had two lambs, did you not?'

`Oh, no! Hodja Effendi, don't tell me to take the lambs in. There is no room!'

`Don't worry, my friend,' the Hodja assured the desperate man, `You will thank me in the end.' The neighbor, hoping the Hodja knows something that he doesn't, took the two lambs in that night. The next morning he was at Hodja doorstep, wretched.

`Hodja Effendi, what are you doing to us? The house is packed full. My mother-in-law is threatening to kill me, my wife is threatening to leave me. This is not working at all.'

Nasaruddin Hodja considered for a moment, then he said:

`Now, take all the live stock out of the house. Chickens, rooster, donkey and lambs; all back to the garden, back to the barn, back to the shed. Take them all out!'

Next morning, the neighbor was once again at Hodja's house.

`Ahh, Hodja Effendi, you are indeed a wise man. You solved my problem. Now, our house is so large, so roomy, so much space for everyone, kids can play, we can sleep, everyone is happy.' he said, `Thank you'

First Sermon

On his first day as the village's imam(scholar), Nasaruddin Hodja was seated on the raised bench, preparing to give his sermon. The congregation was quite anxious to hear what he had to say. But The Hodja didn't really have a sermon ready.

`Do you know what I am about to tell you today?' he asked.

`No, Hodja Effendi, we don't.' they replied.

`If you don't know what I am going to talk about,' the Hodja said, `then I have nothing to tell you.' And with that, he got up and left the mosque, leaving the puzzled people behind him.

The next day, when it was the time of the sermon, Hodja was back on his seat and the congregation curiously waiting.

`Do you know what I am about to tell you today?' Hodja asked again. Having learned from the previous day, the people were not about to say `no' this time.

`Yes, Hodja Effendi,' they all shouted, `we know.'

`Well,' said the Hodja, `if you already know what I am going to tell you, then I don't need to tell it to you!' He got up and left. The people gathered in the mosque were at a loss.

The third day Hodja came and sat down, and asked his question.

`Do you know what I am about to tell you today?' The congregation was not going to let Hodja get away this time without giving a sermon. Some of them replied with `yes, we do' and some of them replied with `no, we don't.'

`In that case,' said the Hodja, `Those who do know should tell the ones who do not know.' and slipped out of the mosque.

Fired by fear

Nasaruddin Hodja was trying to raise a fire by blowing at the glowing embers of coal in the fireplace.
All he succeeded in doing was to produce a thick cloud of smoke that stung his eyes. He put on his wife's cap to prevent the smoke from getting into his eyes and started blowing again.

This time flames leaped up from the coal.

"Ahha!" said Hodja. "So you too are afraid of my wife."

Easy Money

A peasant was chopping timber in the woods. Another peasant was watching him; comfortably seated on a fallen tree trunk.

The man cutting the timber was using a heavy axe suitable for the thick timber he was chopping. With both hands, he was lifting his axe above his head, and then inflicting it with great exertion onto the wood.

Every time he swung his axe, the peasant watching him was letting out a loud grunt. That way the chopper chopped and the grunter grunted until all the timber was cut. When his job was done, the peasant cutting the timber started to gather the wood pieces into sacks, and load them onto his mule to take home. That was when the other peasant who was watching and providing the audio effects asked for his fee.

`Why should I pay you when you haven't done anything?' said the peasant who was chopping the woods.

`Well,' the other explained, `I grunted for you, didn't I?'

The wood chopper didn't agree that the grunt deserved any money and the discussion grew nasty.

The two men decided to take their dispute to the judge who, at the time, happened to be Nasaruddin Hodja.

Hodja listened to both sides, then asked the wood chopper to give him his purse. He took the coins out of the purse and dropped them one at a time on his desk. The coins tinkled and clinked onto the wood desk.

`Did you hear the sound of the coins jingling?' he asked the grunter.

`Yes, Hodja Effendi, I did.' he replied.

`Then you have received your rightful payment.' The Hodja said. `You supplied the sound and you got paid in sound.'

Donkey Vs Horse

One day the Hodja was going to the market place on his donkey. A rich acquaintance, riding a horse, caught up with him. He was looking for an opportunity to brag about his horse and belittle Nasaruddin Hodja.

`Hodja, Hodja, how is the donkey going?' he asked in a mocking tone.

`The donkey is going on a horse.' the Hodja shot back.

Disturbing grapes

One day Hodja was walking home with a basket of grapes in his arm. When the neighborhood children saw the grapes, they asked for some. Hodja gave each one of them a small cluster of grapes.

When the children complained that he was giving too little, Hodja had to come up with an excuse to save his basket of grapes from being consumed before he reached home.

`A little, a lot,' he said, `they all taste the same.'

Eating dates

One day Hodja and his wife were eating dates. Hodja's wife noticed that he was eating the dates with their seeds.

`Hodja Effendi, why are you eating the dates with the seeds?' she asked.

`Because when the grocer sold them to me, he weighed them with the seeds.' was Hodja's explanation.

Cow ruined the vegetable garden

Nasaruddin Hodja was the Judge of the time. One day a neighbor came to confer with him.

`Hodja Effendi, it appears that your cow has entered into our vegetable garden and has caused considerable damage to the vegetables. What does your big black book of law say about that?'

`An animal doesn't have reason.' Nasaruddin Hodja dismissed, `The owner cannot be held responsible for his animal's instinctive behavior. No penalty is required.'

`I spoke wrong, Hodja Effendi,' the neighbor rectified, `I meant to say that our cow has entered into your vegetable garden.'

`Let's see what the law states about that!'

.....and the Hodja reached for his big black book.

That's my age

They asked Nasaruddin Hodja his age.

'Forty.' he replied.

'But Hodja, when we asked you your age ten years ago, you gave the same answer!'

`That's my word, and I stick with it.' Hodja said.