TIT for TAT

When the Hodja was repairing the roof a man called him from below.

What do you want said the Hodja.

Come down for just a minute, he said. I'll tell you something!

The Hodja got down and the man said: Can you lend me some money?

Come, said the Hodja, for just a minute up above.

The man came with him onto the roof and the Hodja said:

I have no money!

Where the cofin goes

One day one of the men of Akshehir died. His wife was crying. Oh, my husband! Where have you gone? There is no light, there is no food, there is nothing!

When the Hodja heard this, he ran home and said to his wife.  "My wife! Open the door! The coffin is coming to our house!"

Yawning

One day, the Hodja went to another village. Nobody offered him something to eat, instead they asked him: "Hodja, why do people yawn?

There are two reasons: One of them is tiredness, the other is hunger.

After yawning for a while he finished up his words:  I'm not tired!

Immigrant

One day, a thief came to the house of the Hodja and took everything he had except the blanket which covered him.

When the Hodja saw the thief carrying all his things away, he put his blanket over his shoulders and followed him.

When the thief arrived at his own house, he turned back and saw the Hodja.

What are you doing here? he asked.

What am I doing here, said the Hodja, you ask a thing like that? Didn't we move to this house?

Hodja's writing

One day a man asked the Hodja to write a letter for him.

Where will the letter go? the Hodja asked.

To Baghdad, said the man.

I cannot go to there, the Hodja told him.

But you don't have to go. The letter will go there, said the man and the Hodja explained: Nobody can read what I write. Therefore I must go there to read it.

Hodja's wife and his Donkey

When his wife died, the Hodja became very sorry, but he mourned for her only a few days.

After a while his donkey died and he was even more sorrowful and mourned for him many months.

People asked him why and he answered:  When my wife died, they all said, they could find a younger and better one for me, but when my donkey died, nobody offered the same service.

Whom to believe?

One day someone came to the Hodja’s house and asked to borrow his donkey. “The donkey’s not at home,” replied the Hodja.

Just then, the donkey on the roof started braying. “Oh,” said the man, “you say that your donkey’s not at home but what is that braying then?”

“What a strange man you are!” exclaimed the Hodja. “Are you going to believe the
donkey’s words or mine?”

Super Salesman

Nasreddin Hodja was trying to sell his house, but without success. One day he praised out a brick from the wall of his house.

"Why did you do that?" asked his wife, appalled.

"Oh, foolish woman, what do you know?" said Nasruddin. "To sell anything, you have to show a sample. I propose to show this brick as a sample of our house."

Speedy Ox

A horse race was about to be held and the contestants were being lined up.

Mulla Nasreddin Hodja came with an ox and asked that it be included in the race.

"Have you gone mad?" said the organizers. "What chance does an ox have against horses?"

"You talk that way because you do not know anything about my ox," said Hodja. "When it was a mere calf it could run almost as fast as a pony. Now that it is older it should be able to run even faster."

Sour reply

One Day a man said to Nasreddin Hodja: "I've heard you've got vinegar that is 40 years old."

"That is true," said Hodja.

"Will you give me some?" asked the man.

"If I gave vinegar to all those who asked, it wouldn't have become 40 years old," said Hodja.

Invitiation

One of the wealthy men once had invited Nasaruddin Hodja over to his house.

On the said day, Hodja arrived at the rich man's house and knocked on the door. The man's son answered the door and told the Hodja that his father was not at home. However, the Hodja had already seen the host sitting by the window. He was very put out to be invited only to be turned down at the door with a lie.

`Tell your father,' he said to the boy, `next time he is going out, he should not forget his head by the window!'

Fired by fear

Nasaruddin Hodja was trying to raise a fire by blowing at the glowing embers of coal in the fireplace.
All he succeeded in doing was to produce a thick cloud of smoke that stung his eyes. He put on his wife's cap to prevent the smoke from getting into his eyes and started blowing again.

This time flames leaped up from the coal.

"Ahha!" said Hodja. "So you too are afraid of my wife."

Donkey Vs Horse

One day the Hodja was going to the market place on his donkey. A rich acquaintance, riding a horse, caught up with him. He was looking for an opportunity to brag about his horse and belittle Nasaruddin Hodja.

`Hodja, Hodja, how is the donkey going?' he asked in a mocking tone.

`The donkey is going on a horse.' the Hodja shot back.

Disturbing grapes

One day Hodja was walking home with a basket of grapes in his arm. When the neighborhood children saw the grapes, they asked for some. Hodja gave each one of them a small cluster of grapes.

When the children complained that he was giving too little, Hodja had to come up with an excuse to save his basket of grapes from being consumed before he reached home.

`A little, a lot,' he said, `they all taste the same.'

Eating dates

One day Hodja and his wife were eating dates. Hodja's wife noticed that he was eating the dates with their seeds.

`Hodja Effendi, why are you eating the dates with the seeds?' she asked.

`Because when the grocer sold them to me, he weighed them with the seeds.' was Hodja's explanation.

Cow ruined the vegetable garden

Nasaruddin Hodja was the Judge of the time. One day a neighbor came to confer with him.

`Hodja Effendi, it appears that your cow has entered into our vegetable garden and has caused considerable damage to the vegetables. What does your big black book of law say about that?'

`An animal doesn't have reason.' Nasaruddin Hodja dismissed, `The owner cannot be held responsible for his animal's instinctive behavior. No penalty is required.'

`I spoke wrong, Hodja Effendi,' the neighbor rectified, `I meant to say that our cow has entered into your vegetable garden.'

`Let's see what the law states about that!'

.....and the Hodja reached for his big black book.

That's my age

They asked Nasaruddin Hodja his age.

'Forty.' he replied.

'But Hodja, when we asked you your age ten years ago, you gave the same answer!'

`That's my word, and I stick with it.' Hodja said.