Searching for Hodja

One day, a man came to Akshehir and wanted to see the Hodja, who was famous as a great funny trickster. He saw a man leaning on a wall and asked him if he knew where the Hodja was.

This man said that he was busy at the moment leaning against the wall so that it would not fall down, but if the man would do his job he would go and look for the Hodja and call him.

The man said O.K. and leaned against the wall. He waited and waited but the other man did not return.

He told some people passing by, of the situation. When he described the man the people began to laugh and said to him: Didn't you believe that the Hodja was a joker? That was the Hodja to whom you spoke.

TIT for TAT

When the Hodja was repairing the roof a man called him from below.

What do you want said the Hodja.

Come down for just a minute, he said. I'll tell you something!

The Hodja got down and the man said: Can you lend me some money?

Come, said the Hodja, for just a minute up above.

The man came with him onto the roof and the Hodja said:

I have no money!

Let's think together

One day the Hodja saw a garden and entered. There he saw many kinds of fruits and began to put them in his bag.

At this moment the owner of the garden arrived and cried: What are you doing there?

You know the storm we had yesterday, said the Hodja. It blew me here.

And who broke off this fruit?

I wanted to hold on to the branches and they fell down.

And who put this fruit in the bag?

I was just thinking of that, said the Hodja. Come on, we'll think together!

Where the cofin goes

One day one of the men of Akshehir died. His wife was crying. Oh, my husband! Where have you gone? There is no light, there is no food, there is nothing!

When the Hodja heard this, he ran home and said to his wife.  "My wife! Open the door! The coffin is coming to our house!"

Yawning

One day, the Hodja went to another village. Nobody offered him something to eat, instead they asked him: "Hodja, why do people yawn?

There are two reasons: One of them is tiredness, the other is hunger.

After yawning for a while he finished up his words:  I'm not tired!

Immigrant

One day, a thief came to the house of the Hodja and took everything he had except the blanket which covered him.

When the Hodja saw the thief carrying all his things away, he put his blanket over his shoulders and followed him.

When the thief arrived at his own house, he turned back and saw the Hodja.

What are you doing here? he asked.

What am I doing here, said the Hodja, you ask a thing like that? Didn't we move to this house?

Hodja's writing

One day a man asked the Hodja to write a letter for him.

Where will the letter go? the Hodja asked.

To Baghdad, said the man.

I cannot go to there, the Hodja told him.

But you don't have to go. The letter will go there, said the man and the Hodja explained: Nobody can read what I write. Therefore I must go there to read it.

Hodja's wife and his Donkey

When his wife died, the Hodja became very sorry, but he mourned for her only a few days.

After a while his donkey died and he was even more sorrowful and mourned for him many months.

People asked him why and he answered:  When my wife died, they all said, they could find a younger and better one for me, but when my donkey died, nobody offered the same service.

Hodja and God

The Hodja was traveling from a long way away, he got very tired and decided to rest. Then he prayed: Dear God, he said. Please send me a donkey!

A few minutes later, he saw a man riding on a horse and leading a young donkey. The man came nearer, stopped beside him and shouted: You, leprous man! Instead of starving there, come on carry the donkey, it is tired.

Although the Hodja said, that he was also tired, the tyrannical man beat him with a stick and so the poor Hodja took the donkey on his shoulders.

Then the man on the horse proceeded on his way.

Every time the Hodja slowed down, the man beat him and after many miserable hours, they reached the town, where the man let the Hodja go, without thanking him.

Then the Hodja fall down on the earth and slept many hours. When he awakened he murmured
Oh, God! What happened? Was it that I couldn't explain, or that you couldn't understand?

How A Donkey Reads

During a conversation with Tamerlane, Hodja started bragging about his donkey.

"It is so smart that I can teach it even how to read, "he said.

"Then go ahead and teach it reading. I give you 3 months.," Tamerlane ordered.

Hodja went home and began to train his donkey. He put its feed between the pages of a big book and taught it to turn the pages by its tongue to find its feed. Three days before the three month period was over, he stopped feeding it.

When he took his donkey to Tamerlane, he asked for a big book and put it in front of the donkey. The hungry animal turned the pages of the book one by one with its tongue and when it couldn't find any feed between the pages it started braying.

Tamerlane watched the donkey closely and then said,

"This is sure a strange way of reading!"

Hodja remarked,

"But this is how a donkey reads."

Mortal's way

One day four boys approached Hodja and gave him a bagful of walnuts.

"Hodja, we can't divide these walnuts among us evenly. So would you help us, please?"

Hodja asked, "Do you want God's way of distribution or mortal's way?"

"God's way" the children answered.

Hodja opened the bag and gave two handfuls of walnuts to one child, one handful to the other, only two walnuts to the third child and none to the fourth.

"What kind of distribution is this?" the children asked baffled.

"Well, this is God's way," he answered. "He gives some people a lot, some people a little and nothing to others. If you had asked for mortal's way I would have given the same amount to everybody."

Criticism

Hodja and his son went on a journey once. Hodja preferred that his son ride the donkey and that he himself go on foot.
On the way they met some people who said: -Look at that healthy young boy! That is today's youth for you. They have no respect for elders. He rides on the donkey and makes his poor father walk!

When they had passed by these people the boy felt very ashamed and insisted that he walk and his father ride the donkey. So Hodja mounted the donkey and the boy walked at his side. A little later they met some other people who said:

-Well, look at that! That poor little boy has to walk while his father rides the donkey.

After they had passed by these people, Hodja told his son:

-The best thing to do is for both of us to walk. Then no one can complain.

So they continued on their journey, both of them walking. A little ways down the road they met some others who said:

-Just take a look at those fools. Both of them are walking under this hot sun and neither of them are riding the donkey!

Hodja turned to his son and said: - That just goes to show how hard it is to escape the opinions of men.

Thank God

On a moonlit night, the Hodja saw in his backyard a white figure. Thinking it might be a burglar, he asked his wife to hand him the bow and an arrow. He took aim and let the arrow fly, right on target.

The Hodja waited until daybreak to go into his backyard. He was shocked to see that what he thought was a burglar was his own cloak that his wife washed and hung on the clothesline.

He kneeled down and repeated, “Thank God! Thank God!”

His wife asked, “Why are you thanking God?” and the Hodja replied, “Sure I have to thank God. I managed to strike right in the middle of the cloak. Just imagine what would have happened if I were in it!”

Making a living

One of the Hodja’s two sons was a making a living from growing produce in his orchard, and the other was making his living from making clay jugs and pitchers.

Hodja asked the first son how he was doing and the son said, “This year I planted all sorts of things. If there’s enough rain, I will be fine. But if it doesn’t rain, Mom will shed tears for me.”

Hodja went to his other son and asked how he was doing and the second son said, “This year I mixed a lot of earth and water. If it doesn’t rain, everything will be just fine. But if it rains, Mom will shed tears for me.”

When the Hodja went home, his wife asked how the sons were doing and he answered, “I don’t know about the boys, but whether it rains or not, you’re going to shed a lot of tears.”

Whom to believe?

One day someone came to the Hodja’s house and asked to borrow his donkey. “The donkey’s not at home,” replied the Hodja.

Just then, the donkey on the roof started braying. “Oh,” said the man, “you say that your donkey’s not at home but what is that braying then?”

“What a strange man you are!” exclaimed the Hodja. “Are you going to believe the
donkey’s words or mine?”

Living cauldron

One day Nasreddin Hodja borrowed a cauldron from his neighbor.

A few days later, when he had finished with it, he sent it back with a pot inside it. “What’s this?” asked the neighbor, pointing to the pot. “Your cauldron gave birth,” replied the Hodja. Without
making any comment, the neighbor took the pot.

A few days later, Hodja needed the cauldron again and asked his neighbor to loan him his cauldron once more. The neighbor gladly gave it to Hodja.

Some time passed and the cauldron wasn’t returned. The neighbor went to Hodja and asked, “Hodja, what happened to my cauldron?”

“Your cauldron died,” said the Hodja.

When the neighbor protested, saying, “Sir, how can a cauldron die?” the Hodja replied, “You believed a cauldron could give birth so why don’t you believe it could die?”

Vinegar

Word got out that Nasreddin Hodja possessed a jar full of vinegar that was 40 years old. One day a neighbor came knocking on the door.

`Hodja Effendi, is it really true that you have a jar full of 40-year-old vinegar?'

`It is true.' the Hodja replied.

`Could I have a cup full of that vinegar?'

`No.' said Hodja tersely.

`But Hodja Effendi,' the displeased neighbor pursued, `why wouldn't you give me some? I only asked for a cup full.'

`Because,' Hodja explained, `if I were to give a cup full to everyone who asked, my vinegar wouldn't have lasted for 40 years.'

Tray of Baklava

One day The Hodja and his friends were sitting at the coffee house. A young boy carrying a tray of baklava attracted the attention of one of the men.

`Hodja Effendi, look!' he pointed, `That boy is carrying a tray of baklava.'

`It's none of my business.' Hodja shrugged his shoulders.

`But, Hodja, watch! He is taking it to your house.'

`In that case,' Hodja asserted, `it's none of your business.'

The Scholarly Coachman

Mulla Nasreddin once took up a job as a coachman and one day had to drive his employer to a disreputable part of the town.

"Keep your eyes open," his employer advised him as he alighted from the coach at his destination. "This place is infested with thieves."

Some time later the man thought of checking on his new employee.

"Is everything all right? What are you doing now?" he shouted from a window of the house he had gone into.

"I'm sitting here wondering what happens to a man's lap when he gets up," the Mulla shouted back.

A little later the employer again shouted from the window"

"What are you doing now?!"

"I'm wondering what happens to a fist when the fingers are unclenched," shouted Nasreddin.

His employer was impressed.

"My coachman is no ordinary fellow," he boasted to his hosts. "He is a philosopher!"

Half an hour later he again poked his head out of the window and shouted! "What are you doing now?"

"I am wondering who stole the horses," replied the Mulla.

The Mulla in the Muddle

The Sultan’s elephant had wandered into Mulla Nasruddin Hodja’s village and was causing havoc in the fields. The villagers finally decided to go in a delegation to the Sultan and request him to take the elephant away.

As Mulla Nasruddin was known to the ruler, they asked him to lead the delegation.

When they arrived at the palace, the villagers were awed by the splendour of the surroundings and their courage deserted them. One by one they began to drop out of the group and slip away, so that when Hodja was finally in the Sultan’s presence he found to his dismay that he was alone.

"Well, what do you want, Nasreddin!" snapped the Sultan, who was in a particularly bad mood that day.

"Y-your elephant is in our v-village, your Excellency," stuttered the Mulla.

"So?" growled the Sultan.

"So…so," said the Mulla, completely unnerved by the situation, "we, I mean I, have come to tell you that it is terribly lonely… please send it a companion."